I started searching for a bible study to complete online. I'd really like an actual book to work through with questions at the end of each section but I found a site online that gives a small amount of reading and then has some questions to consider, so I've decided to start there. I found a small lesson of the Fruits of the Spirit. I've heard sermons on the Fruits and have had discussions about the Fruits so I understand what they are. I personally don't feel like I'm bearing any kind of fruit...maybe the fruit that's just began to grow, but is still green and hard and unripened. But that's as close to fruit as I've gotten... so far. For some reason, I picture my spirit as super thirsty and begging for gallons of water. That's the yearning I feel or have been feeling since before I actually got Saved. And while I know that I've known the Lord for a very long time, since the 3rd grade or even before that, which is a WHOLE other blogg in itself, I feel like I've had a thirsting spirit for as far back as I can remember. It's never really been quenched and I'm not sure that it will ever really be quenched because only then will that mean that I have no more desire to seek the Lord, right? But I want that noticeable "fruit bearing" presence to fill me up. You know, the one that you can see on a "fruit bearing" persons face? Wait... Fruit Bearing... let me explain just in case you don't know what that is.
Matthew 7:17-20 (Amplified Bible)
17Even so, every healthy (sound) tree bears good fruit [worthy of admiration], but the sickly (decaying, worthless) tree bears bad (worthless) fruit.
18A good (healthy) tree cannot bear bad (worthless) fruit, nor can a bad (diseased) tree bear excellent fruit [worthy of admiration].
19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and cast into the fire.
20Therefore, you will fully know them by their fruits.
Ok, so we get what fruit is? Here's another way to explain it... I remember when I was in middle school there was this one girl who always seem to 'glow'. It was like she was always happy, never had a bad day, walked with an air of confidence and pride that wasn't self-righteous or conceited. She just radiated a peace that was unshakable. I remember wishing I had whatever it was that she had for breakfast so I could feel that way too. I was drawn to her simply because she was so happy all the time. I even held a grudge against her for a very long time, and struggle still today with even being in the same vicinity as she, which doesn't happen often. It was her relationship with Jesus that was showing in her; bearing the fruit of the spirit, drawing people in. A light so bright that it drew me in. When I tried to make friends with her, she never really responded and I took that as she being stuck up or thinking she was too good. Little did she know, she was that beacon of light shining for a little boat out in rough waters. Her Fruits weren't green and unripened... but I don't think she knew or had reached that point of understanding in her "fruit bearing walk with God".
As I'm reading this little study it tells me that God wants to give me a peace; free me of my anxiety and stress. It just so happened that as I was reading that statement I realized that I was rubbing the side of my lap top computer with my thumb about a million miles a minute while my knee bounced up and down sporadically. I was even holding my breath as I read and didn't realize it till I felt overcome with emotion and wanted to cry. Jarred out of my emotion by my phone ringing I took a deep breath.
I don't think I'm alone in the Christian world. A Christian with her halo half on fire fighting to keep on the straight and narrow, with a burning desire to know more of God and to have him show more abundantly in her life in a more obvious way to those around her. This is why I'm seeking studies that will help draw me closer to Him and help me be more of who He created me to be, in Him. And while I'm searching for what it is that my purpose is, or who it is that I'm supposed to become I only pray that the little tid bits that I stumble upon will be another brick in the foundation of my relationship with him. I pray that everything I learn will help me bear "ripened" fruits so I can be that light for all the little ships in the sea.
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